Under the sheets, and heads on your pillow is sometimes the only quiet quality time among the hubbub of work, kids, and otherwise busy lives. If bedtime is the only time you have to reconnect with your partner, take advantage of that, says celebrity love architect and matchmaker Kailen Rosenberg, author of Real Love, Right Now.

Rosenberg advises keeping the conversation light and focused on learning about each other's day.

“This is not a time to discuss stressful topics or situations, nor is this a time to handle disagreements," she suggests. “If communication is necessary to understand or settle an uncomfortable situation, mutually decide upon a time in the near future during the day to do so. Communication is meant to be about connection and continuing a bond of safety and trust for intimacy."

Pillow-Talking Points

At a loss for words or unsure what to chat about? Rosenberg offers some conversation starters:

1. Tell your partner something positive you noticed or appreciated about them earlier in the day.

2. Talk about a bucket list item you would like to share and experience with one another.

3. Ask them about the best thing that happened to them today.

Walk Your Talk

"No matter how wonderful life might be, there are always heavy or light stresses that occur in everyone's day," notes Rosenberg. “Therefore, it's important to be mindful of not flooding your partner with a lot of negative talk."

She suggests saving space for a gentle and respectful open ear to support your partner if they need it.

Time to Chat

This time for connection, communication and intimacy should always come before any TV time. It's too easy to get caught up in the show you share, or discussing the show when it's finished, and then fall asleep.

"This [TV time] may be a fun routine that you believe is connecting you, but trust me, it's a bad one," warns Rosenberg.

Rosenberg says 15 minutes will suffice for connecting before hitting the pillow, making it a good addition to your bedtime wind-down routine. "However, be mindful not to get into heavy conversation that can cause anxiety, killing your opportunity to fall asleep," she adds.

Sleep Tight

Rosenberg says no matter how stressed or tired you might be, lovingly check in with your partner for a quick connection, a question about their day, a nice tight hug, a bit of appreciation.

It's easy to feel so exhausted that falling right to sleep can sound and feel pretty darn good. Getting caught in this routine, however, may mean losing a relationship's true connection and intimacy.

And, in the Morning…

If you have a Sleep Number 360^® smart bed, compare your SleepIQ^® scores in the morning. It’s a fun way to see how the other person slept.   AND creates another conversation starter in the morning. Bonus!

Sleep Fun Facts

According to Sleep Number research, women get 31 more restful minutes of sleep compared to men.* And, SleepIQ^® sleepers average 8 hours and 17 minutes of sleep each night. 7 hours and 9 minutes of that time is restful sleep.* How does that compare with your sleep routine?

Like diet and exercise, quality sleep is essential for optimal wellbeing and performance. Because everyone's sleep needs are different, Sleep Number^® smart beds sense your movements and automatically adjust firmness, comfort and support to keep you both sleeping comfortably. Find your Sleep Number^® setting for your best possible night's sleep.

* Based on SleepIQ^® data from 1/2/20 to 1/1/21